Sun, surf, stupidity

Crows build their nests at 60 feet and up — wonder why?

I sympathize, I truly do, with lovers

Of helpless, darling little birds called plovers.

But frankly, I am so completely over

This endless, slavish passion for the plover.

To tell the truth, I’d like to call the movers

And pay the guys to relocate those plovers.

If only we still had late-night Colbert

To take a stand against the darn plovert!

Lost miles of beach! Our sacrifice is steep.

These birds are cute, but they should earn their keep.

Could scientists develop, in their labs,

A breed of plover that would eat green crabs?

And if that’s doable, then also, please,

Let’s breed a strain that builds their nests in trees.

Come, humans, we must reassert our right

To frolic on the beach and fly a kite.

Geez, some of my best friends are so in love,

For them, no bird’s above the lowly plove.

These birds are simply dumb. Don’t take offense!

To lay eggs on the beach? It makes no sense.

Most birds want to survive, so they’ve evolved.

They hide their nest in secret. Problem solved.

Smart birds have learned to use their wings. They whoosh.

But plovers failed at basic evoluti’.